Oh no! Spider alert! I repeat, HUGE poisonous spider alert! And I believe this could be a very angry spider!
I was sitting in my chair, peacefully drinking morning coffee, reading blog posts, catching up with Facebook friends when a movement caught my eye. Glancing up from my iPhone screen, I was shocked to see a huge spider descending from the ceiling, right over me.
What the??? Holy cows on crutches, that was a big, brown Pacific Northwest hobo spider slinging its way right toward me! And it was coming fast. I jumped up, ran to a hall closet, and grabbed the fly swatter.
“Oh, you will be sorry you nasty, ill-intentioned, arrogant arachnid! I brook no threats from eight-legged outsiders looking for a winter meal. I am bigger, and armed with a swatter; nothing frightens me unless it slithers, and you definitely do not slither. You will rue the day!”
I ran back into the living room, took aim, and swung the swatter with all my might, actually intending to merely stun it, then pick its creepy, leggy, silk-spinning body up and toss it into the rhododendrons beneath the walkway outside my front door. I swung all right. Missed it completely. And it was gone!
I put my slippers on, looked around the room on the carpet and each piece of furniture. No spider. Oh, man. What have I done? It’s winter. The spider is hungry. It found its way into my home looking for a warm place and a bite to eat. I looked pretty juicy from the ceiling; how tasty must I appear now that I have made it angry?
I have given up my spider hunt for now. I will, however, remain vigilant. The swatter is beside my chair, and a roll of paper towels next to that, in case I am luckier with my next swat, and need to carry the dazed spider outdoors. It is Christmas, after all; I only aim to stun, not kill. Peace on Earth, you know; goodwill toward…yes, spiders, too!