You Will Rue The Day Arrogant Arachnid

Oh no! Spider alert! I repeat, HUGE poisonous spider alert! And I believe this could be a very angry spider!

I was sitting in my chair, peacefully drinking morning coffee, reading blog posts, catching up with Facebook friends when a movement caught my eye. Glancing up from my iPhone screen, I was shocked to see a huge spider descending from the ceiling, right over me.

Hobo_Spider_Overview_10_resize_ryan_davis_usu

What the??? Holy cows on crutches, that was a big, brown Pacific Northwest hobo spider slinging its way right toward me! And it was coming fast. I jumped up, ran to a hall closet, and grabbed the fly swatter.

Fly Assassin

“Oh, you will be sorry you nasty, ill-intentioned, arrogant arachnid! I brook no threats from eight-legged outsiders looking for a winter meal. I am bigger, and armed with a swatter; nothing frightens me unless it slithers, and you definitely do not slither. You will rue the day!”

I ran back into the living room, took aim, and swung the swatter with all my might, actually intending to merely stun it, then pick its creepy, leggy, silk-spinning body up and toss it into the rhododendrons beneath the walkway outside my front door. I swung all right. Missed it completely. And it was gone!

19419708-poof--comic-expression-text-smoke-cartoon-puff

I put my slippers on, looked around the room on the carpet and each piece of furniture. No spider. Oh, man. What have I done? It’s winter. The spider is hungry. It found its way into my home looking for a warm place and a bite to eat. I looked pretty juicy from the ceiling; how tasty must I appear now that I have made it angry?

dinner is served_14a9663794fbe6d3036f3f965ed8549c

I have given up my spider hunt for now. I will, however, remain vigilant. The swatter is beside my chair, and a roll of paper towels next to that, in case I am luckier with my next swat, and need to carry the dazed spider outdoors. It is Christmas, after all; I only aim to stun, not kill. Peace on Earth, you know; goodwill toward…yes, spiders, too!

 

 

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About Valleygrail

Native Californian by birth, Pacific Northwesterner by choice. Jack of all trades, master of none; always wishing I could stick with just one thing long enough to become expert. But then what about all those things left unattended? See? Not possible. I love life, my family, friends, a good book, Irish music, rain, fog, and a pint of Guinness. It's a good journey, and sharing with companions makes it even better. Thanks for being with me as I embrace it and you!
This entry was posted in Baby Boomers, Christmas, Home, Life Journey, Pacific Northwest, Spiders, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to You Will Rue The Day Arrogant Arachnid

  1. Ginene Nagel says:

    Wow! I know how you feel. I carry everything outside and let it go on with its life…but, last summer a bat flew in an open window and after two hours of trying to get it to fly out the open window, another one flew in! I got the second one to fly out the window, but the first one…never saw it again. I had some weary nights, waiting for it to come out and fly around. But, it never showed its face again. It is in here somewhere, certainly no longer alive.

  2. nrhatch says:

    Spiders are fine. Venomous spiders are NOT. Hope your guy doesn’t bite you.

  3. btg5885 says:

    Now, that is a spider. Be wary.

  4. lauramacky says:

    EEEK! I am horrible afraid of spiders! My husband is my flyswatter! lol

  5. tric says:

    Have you found the spider since. I’d not sleep if it were me. Sick on your behalf.

    • Valleygrail says:

      No! That blasted thing is lurking in here somewhere, and i am not feeling nearly so kind as before. Honestly, when I see it, I believe it will meet the underside of my shoe. Thank you for your sympathy. It is appreciated.

  6. Crooked Tracks says:

    Oh my, that is scary!

  7. Hmmm. I missed this one earlier! I am quite peaceable with spiders in general, but *not* when they are heading in my direction at speed! I’d totally take your approach. Especially as, despite what Wikipedia says are completely undocumented and unverified claims of toxicity, I think it might have been a hobo spider that gave me, however accidentally or defensively, a bite on my leg once, and it turned really nasty. And lasted. And lasted. I had about a quarter sized proto-necrotic spot there and it left a scar for a couple of years after. We were not amused! I’m sure I’d just thoughtlessly invaded her territory while gardening, but still…. 😉 Swat away, my friend. 🙂

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